Keir Starmer’s Week/Weak (The Double Meaning Is Entirely Deliberate)

Keir Starmer spent the beginning of the week reshuffling his shadow cabinet, removing anyone with a modicum of leftism in their politics and appointing some of Centrism’s Finest in their place. Lammy to shadow foreign, Cooper to shadow home, and Nandy to shadow “talk up the Tories’ buzzwords and lend them legitimacy, why don’t you?”. The stage – eventually – was set for a week of soaring polls, party unity, and the start of the winning streak Keith so dearly needs. What actually happened was a triumvirate of bollock-kickings.

First, there was the Old Bexley and Sidcup by-election, which saw Labour get the worst by-election vote count since 1983. Of course, Starmer then took to Twitter to congratulate his losing candidate for doing so well… I’m… I’m still not sure why.

Then came news that Sharon Graham, General Secretary of Unite – Labour’s largest financial backer – is moving to defend the Labour party, stating that Unite members’ contributions would be “better spend on left wing causes”. Aggrocentrist Nu-New Labourites, of course, then took to Twitter to say this was a good thing! I’m… I’m still not sure why.

Finally came the announcement that Young Labour would not be campaigning on behalf of any Labour parliamentary or council candidate that refuses to show true solidarity and support to striking workers, after a number of Labour councillors in Sheffield crossed the UCU picket line to hold a meeting about whether or not they should cross the picket line. Im… Etc.

It really has been one more mare of a week for Sir Keir Starmer’s Labour Party, in a stableful of mare-of-a-week’s. And you know what? It’s nothing less than they deserve.

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